Finding My Joy Again (and Again)

The hot cocoa potato chips were interesting

2012 has been pretty crazy, and the new year has gotten me thinking about the lessons I've learned in the past year. 2012  was a tough teacher on finding my own happiness and falling in love with my life again.
After he graduated last May, my fiance Matt (just a boyfriend at the time) moved to Chicago to start working in the Windy City, and I was left to pout at Purdue. We had grown so close and interdependent in the past year and a half we'd been together, and he took a huge part of me when he left. I suddenly found myself in an identity crisis. While I was with him, I was still myself, but I had gotten used to having him there to lean on. Now, I needed to reestablish my equilibrium.
I had a decision to make. I could wallow in self pity and be miserable for the next two years of a long-distance relationship, end the relationship I loved so much, or focus on getting the most out of the next two years and push my grief behind me. I chose to grow, because being stuck in grief mode wasn't doing me any favors.
Finding my happiness again wasn't easy. There was a lot of crying myself to sleep, a lot of doubt, and a lot of soul searching. For a couple months, the decision to break up or stick with it was at the front of my mind, but the thought of losing him was more painful that the temporary grief of our change in circumstances. Matt and I didn't mesh well after he left. I felt neglected, and he must have felt a little leashed by his long-distance girlfriend. In spite of that, he and I both pushed through. We spent hours on the phone, talking about our issues and growing closer in the process. Despite our distance, we've grown closer in the last six months because we've struggled together. We know what we want from our future, where our relationship fits into that future, and how to talk through any hardship life throws at us.

Via prettyfitbody.tumblr.com

I fight off my self-pity in several ways:

1. I stay busy, so I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. Although I still find time to pout a little (Rome wasn't built in a day, and I'm not a very good builder), I think I would be miserable without the packed schedule. Being involved on campus gives me a sense of importance. People depend on me do do my part, and I feel fulfilled when I'm able to succeed.

2. I surround myself with supportive friends and positive people. It's amazing what confiding in a friend can do to boost your spirits, even if the problem isn't solved. I've never valued the sisterhood in my house as much as I have this year. My sisters have been my lifeline. With them, I've laughed through my tears, danced in spite of my circumstances, and smiled at the future. Thank you, ladies, for keeping me on my feet when I couldn't do it myself.

Via 517creations.blogspot.com

3. I did a lot of praying. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with sadness, stress, anger, depression, whatever, I take a deep breath and pray like I hadn't in a long time. It's just broken me and a big, strong, capable, and loving God. There's a special kind of comfort that comes from praying. Verses I grew up memorizing come to mind, like Jeremiah 29:11: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' Declares the Lord, 'Plans to give you hope and a future.'"

4. I embraced my hobbies. I love crocheting and crafts, so I started working on making infinity scarves during the summer (it was a weird sensation making chunky scarves in 100 degree heat), and didn't stop until right before Christmas. I was able to save a TON of money by giving homemade, meaningful gifts this year. I'm also a helpless healthy foodie, so I spent a lot of time in the kitchen trying out new recipes and healthy alternatives to my favorites.

5. I took the Insanity challenge, then moved up to the Asylum. I'm strict with myself about my exercise schedule, and try my best not to miss a workout. I truly believe that exercise is what keeps me from needing a prescription for antidepressants, and research has proven that just walking for 30 minutes a day can boost your mood and improve your health. Since I've made working out a big priority, I've been able to better control my stress, depression, and anxiety (I have a minor panic disorder, but that's for another post). Losing weight and getting a six-pack was just a sweet bonus to my improved mood.

This one's the most important:

6. I changed my attitude, even when I couldn't change my circumstance. As Abraham Lincoln said, "We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." I can either feel sorry for myself, lonely little long distance relationship girl, or be really happy because I get to enjoy some of the single life and a wonderful significant other. I don't think I'd get as much out of my college years if Matt were here. I'd turn down some opportunities because I'd want to spend time with him. But since he's not here, I can welcome opportunity when it knocks on my door, and even invite it in for a healthy snack (I found a new recipe on Pinterest that Opportunity should try!). I interviewed for Purdue Old Masters and got a position as a hostess. I became president of my house. I made a lot of new friends. My GPA is great (well, for a nursing student, it's great). I started a blog to help other college students. I'm not sure I would have accomplished all of this if he was still on campus. And on top of all of these great blessings to rejoice about, God has given me an overflowing blessing through my supportive fiance, true friends, and a family who loves me unconditionally. I have so much to be thankful for!

The takeaway from 2012 is I can CHOOSE to view my situation as positive or negative, and so can you. When I take responsibility for my feelings, I decide what those feelings are, and how to react to them. That doesn't mean that I'm always smiling, or that life is all sunshine and rainbows. Bad things still happen. People are still going to disappoint you, and you'll hurt them, too. You will face injustice. You don't have much control over your circumstances. The one thing you DO have within your power is how you choose to react to all of it. Choose to find the joy in your life, and joy will be found, again and again.

Here's to a joyful 2013.